The Duke of Earl
It has been snowing nearly all day; the first snow to speak of so far this year. Maybe 8 - 10 inches when it's done. Light and fluffy and nothing to cry about. Doesn't scare me a bit. I'm ready for the big bad stuff of winter, and I am all about "bring it on." Here's why. I'm not getting any younger, and Team Larsen, my emergency winter response unit of trained snow shovelers is dwindling. My daughter Mia is graduating from Ohio State this spring, and will soon move on to Teach for America we hope, or some similar first venture, winding up in California, or New York, or who knows where? My son Mike, who lived at home while completeing work on his teacher's certification, pulls a great shovel; but by this time next year he'll be wherever he can find a job. That leaves me, who is both old and fat, and my wife MJ who already does all the work. And when winter in Northeast Ohio really decides to be badass and cruel, we are faced with deep snow in a long driveway. And no way out.
None that is, until with the foresight of the founding fathers, I spent last summer shopping for a snowblower. And not a pipsqueak one, like the one we had some time back, that had some kind of plastic sweeping drum and forget it against anything substantial like the ice buildup at the end of the driveway that comes from the snowplows that pile it back after you shovel it out. On the rare occasion that a Cleveland Heights snow plow comes by that is.
It has been snowing nearly all day; the first snow to speak of so far this year. Maybe 8 - 10 inches when it's done. Light and fluffy and nothing to cry about. Doesn't scare me a bit. I'm ready for the big bad stuff of winter, and I am all about "bring it on." Here's why. I'm not getting any younger, and Team Larsen, my emergency winter response unit of trained snow shovelers is dwindling. My daughter Mia is graduating from Ohio State this spring, and will soon move on to Teach for America we hope, or some similar first venture, winding up in California, or New York, or who knows where? My son Mike, who lived at home while completeing work on his teacher's certification, pulls a great shovel; but by this time next year he'll be wherever he can find a job. That leaves me, who is both old and fat, and my wife MJ who already does all the work. And when winter in Northeast Ohio really decides to be badass and cruel, we are faced with deep snow in a long driveway. And no way out.
None that is, until with the foresight of the founding fathers, I spent last summer shopping for a snowblower. And not a pipsqueak one, like the one we had some time back, that had some kind of plastic sweeping drum and forget it against anything substantial like the ice buildup at the end of the driveway that comes from the snowplows that pile it back after you shovel it out. On the rare occasion that a Cleveland Heights snow plow comes by that is.
But No! My need was for an instrument of destruction so mighty, that the perils of winter might hencesforth be swept away. No, not swept, but blasted, in a high arc, over the hedge on one side of the driveway and my neighbor's fence on the other.
The machine of my dreams has been in my garage since August. I've been firing it up periodically, and have nearly mastered the art of the cold weather start; fives pumps on the primer and then full throttle and full choke, backing off on the choke as soon as it starts, usually on the second pull.
But wait, there's more. I want to tell of the enormous bite of its' powerful 26" metal auger, the nimble adjustability of its' chute (where the snow comes out), the mighty roar of its' 7.5 horsepower engine, and the deep biting traction of its' tank tread - a huge improvement over the plain round wheels of the snowblower ordinaire. I'll post a picture tomorrow, so you can fully appreciate this impressive and remarkable machine, if I'm not busy holding back the encroaching drifts, the silent white harvest of the season of death and renewal.
The machine of my dreams has been in my garage since August. I've been firing it up periodically, and have nearly mastered the art of the cold weather start; fives pumps on the primer and then full throttle and full choke, backing off on the choke as soon as it starts, usually on the second pull.
But wait, there's more. I want to tell of the enormous bite of its' powerful 26" metal auger, the nimble adjustability of its' chute (where the snow comes out), the mighty roar of its' 7.5 horsepower engine, and the deep biting traction of its' tank tread - a huge improvement over the plain round wheels of the snowblower ordinaire. I'll post a picture tomorrow, so you can fully appreciate this impressive and remarkable machine, if I'm not busy holding back the encroaching drifts, the silent white harvest of the season of death and renewal.
Prepared now for the worst of winter in the Heights, I live without fear of the howling winds, the drifting snows, the crunch of ice underfoot. In fact, I'm thinking of moving to Minnesota.
Update - 1-10-09: Ten inches came down, heavy and wet. In a matter of ten minutes, I had the driveway cleared and the sidewalks cleared three neighbors down on each side. It moved snow like it wasn't there; nothing could stop me...but...wait a minute...nothing can stop me now...that
reminds me of a song...
As I,
as I walk through this world,
Nothing can stop
The Duke of Earl
And-a you,
you are my girl
And no one can hurt you, oh no
Yes, a-I, oh,
I'm gonna love you
Oh, oh
Come on let me hold you, darling
'Cause I'm the Duke of Earl
So, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
And, and when I hold you
You'll be my Dutchess,
the Dutchess of Earl
We'll walk through my Duke-dom
And a paradise we will share...
Yes, a-I, oh,
I'm gonna love you
Oh, oh,
nothing can stop me, now
'Cause I'm The Duke of Earl
So, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo,
Doo-ooo-uke
Oh-oh-whoa-oh
Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo
Du-ooo-hoo-uke,
Oh-oh-ohYeah,
Chorus:
Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl, Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl....
Oh, I'm gonna love you
Oh-oh, Nothing can stop me, now
'Cause I'm the Duke of Earl
So, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Du-hoo-hoo-ooo-uke
Du-hoo-hoo-uke
So, whoa, whoa, ho-whoa
FADES-Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo...
Like I said...bring it.
DHL
DHL
(The Duke of Earl)
No comments:
Post a Comment